Up until November 2020, I can pretty confidently say that life had been relatively smooth sailing for me. I’ve always been a driven, goal-oriented planner; and for some reason, God had generously approved all the plans I had carefully laid out for my life. Then Shep was born, and my life turned upside down. Shockingly enough, having a disabled child was not on my life’s bucket list. After receiving our son’s diagnosis and realizing life was going to look nothing like we expected it to, shock and disbelief weighed heavily on us. Could this really be happening to our family? To us? To me? I found myself arguing with God and saying things along the lines of “Lord, we’ve been faithful to follow you. We’ve obeyed you. We have tried to live in a way that is pleasing to you. Why would you allow this to happen to us? I don’t deserve this. Why me, God?”
My temper tantrum with God was the unleashing of the ugly monster that had been living inside me all along— entitlement. This monster actually lives inside all of us, but it usually takes us not getting our way for it to be fully revealed.
While most Christians would tell you that they don’t believe in the prosperity gospel, many of us actually do—at least subconsciously. The majority of us, especially Westernized Christians, have bought into the subtle lie that if we are “good” and follow God, He will bless us with health, wealth, and whatever else we might ask Him for. This is why we are so quick to call ourselves “blessed” when God chooses to give us financial stability, the spouse we long for, the children we desire, the sought-after job promotion, or good health. It is also why we tend to question God and shake our fist at Him when He withholds something we desperately want. Whether or not we would say it out loud, we feel like we deserve it. We feel that God owes it to us.
This “gospel” could not be further from the truth of what the Bible actually promises us. The reality is that we are owed exactly nothing. At least not in the way we think we are owed. Romans 6:23 says, “the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” According to this passage, as sinners, the only thing we are owed, the only thing we have earned, is death and judgment for our wrongdoings. It is an unwarranted gift that God offers us forgiveness and salvation through His son. We call this mercy—God withholding the wrath that we deserve. Anything else God chooses to bless us with, we call grace. This includes our salvation that He paid the price for. It is an unearned, undeserved gift bestowed upon us by a benevolent God.
Because of God’s abundant love and kindness, He often chooses to bless us with health, financial stability, rewarding friendships, loving spouses and children, etc. However, these things are by no means owed to us. They are merely gifts meant to point us back to the giver himself. Their absence in our life is not an indicator of a lack of God’s love for us.
Sadly, so many of us have the “Why me?” heart posture when life doesn’t go our way and we act as if we have been wronged by God. However, there is another way we can ask this same question but from a totally different mindset. In 2 Samuel chapter 7, God promises David that He will build him a house and establish the throne of his kingdom forever (v. 16). He is promising David that the long-awaited Messiah will come through his family line. In response, David says, “Who am I, O Lord God? And what is my house that you have brought me this far?” (v. 18). David’s “Who am I?” is another way of asking “Why me?” but with a posture of complete humility rather than entitlement. The entitled person asks God, “Why would you allow this thing to happen to me?” The humble asks, “Why would you choose me to receive such mercy and grace?”
David recognized that God owed him nothing. He was a flawed, broken sinner like the rest of us and he did not lose sight of that. Having this kind of humility opens us up to receive all (the highs and the lows) that God has for us with gratitude, not entitlement.
Two chapters later, we see David bestow the same mercy and grace on another that God has shown him. Saul had been Israel’s king before David, and his son Jonathan would have been next in line for the throne had God not anointed David instead. Jonathan and David were dear friends and loved each other like brothers. Sadly, Jonathan died in battle alongside his father thus allowing for David to take over the throne. In ancient times, it was not uncommon for a new king to kill all surviving family of the former king to prevent potential uprisings. Yet contrary to this tradition, David asked, “Is there not still someone of the house of Saul, to whom I may show the kindness of God?” (2 Samuel 9:3). It was told to David that Jonathan had a crippled son named Mephibosheth. David had Mephibosheth brought to him and told him, “‘Do not fear, for I will surely show you kindness for Jonathan your father’s sake, and will restore to you all the land of Saul your grandfather; and you shall eat bread at my table continually’” (v. 7).
Here, David gives us a picture of the kind of love God has for us. He showed Mephibosheth mercy by sparing his life. He showed grace by restoring land to him and inviting him to dine at the king’s own table.
In response, Mephibosheth “bowed himself, and said, ‘What is your servant, that you should look upon such a dead dog as I?’” (v. 8). This is humility. He recognized that David owed him nothing. As a crippled, broken man and the grandson of the former king, he saw his lowly state in the face of King David. Imagine how off-putting this narrative would be if Mephibosheth responded with entitlement and said, “Well, you owed me all that anyway. And while you’re at it David, I’d like half of the kingdom too. I deserve it.”
We can learn so much from Mephibosheth’s example when we recognize that we too are lowly, broken, and have earned absolutely nothing. While it is true that, in these accounts, David and Mephibosheth were asking the right “Why me?” question in response to blessings, not disappointments—they still demonstrate the proper attitude that any blessings we receive are gifts, not debts owed to us. Like Job, we should embrace the humble posture of accepting from God both good and adversity (Job 2:10). And in many cases, what we see as “adversity” is merely God not choosing to bestow certain gifts that we felt inherently entitled to—a spouse, good health, a sought-after job, neurotypical children, etc.
Like Mephibosheth, we come before our King empty-handed, yet, God chooses to extend abundant mercy and grace to us and invites us to dine at His table. He owes us nothing, but He offers us everything, in Him. What a beautiful picture.
I pray the Lord continues to reframe my mindset, replacing my entitlement with humility and gratitude. Lord, change my “Why me’s?” to “Who am I’s?”
“What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?” (Psalm 8:4)
Good Shepherd 